On the Sad Passing of My Neighbour
Dec. 8th, 2021 10:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
danieldwilliamMy upstairs neighbour, an elderly gentleman, has died in some sad circumstances.
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MLW became concerned about him yesterday when we both realised we hadn't seen him for a while. He was a man of solitary habit. It was not unusual to not see him for weeks at a time and we had realised that it had been a bit too long between sighting.
We had struck up an amicable relationship with him after he returned from abroad after being away for many years, and flooded our flat. He'd not paid his council tax bill because he'd been away. The council had frozen his bank accounts. The utility company had cut him off for non-payment. MLW helped him sort out the leaky plumbing, settle his outstanding bills, reactivate his bank accounts and collect the several hundred thousand pounds he was owed in pension by his pension fund who had not been able to pay him because his bank account was frozen. He was not a man who engaged much with the world.
MLW had the job in the flat owners' group of liaising with him - he did not have email or online banking - and took the opportunity to gently keep an eye on him. He was not hugely in favour of this but tolerated MLW's interest because, well it was easier than not to. Every few weeks she would pop upstairs on an errand and see if he was okay. She had offered on a few occasions to help him with some life-admin but he wasn't up for that.
We would chat if we saw him outside, or wave through the window if we saw him coming or going. That was harder in winter in Edinburgh. In the summer I would sit in the garden in the evening sunshine. In winter it is dark before I finish work. He would take himself off to the pub once or twice a week later in the evening. Generally he would get up mid-morning.
It looks like he died shortly after the last time MLW or I saw him.
When we realised we hadn't seen him for too long to be comfortable MLW called the police. They investigated and a few hours later they called at our flat to tell us our neighbour had been found dead, and to take a statement. They ended up asking us to identify the body. Our neighbour was an only child, his parents had died many years ago and his old friend and colleague who also has a flat in the tenement block has been living in the Borders. So we turn out to be the closest connection the police could identify.
Identifying a body which has been dead for several weeks is exactly as unpleasant as it sounds. However, it does allow the police to formally treat the situation as probably a sad occurrence and probably not a serious crime. An elderly man being found dead in his own flat is very different from an unknown man being found dead in someone else's flat and no one has seen the owner for weeks. The identification seemed to be the trigger for the police to engage the municipal undertakers. So whilst identifying our neighbour was not pleasant it did allow him to be taken to the mortuary as soon as possible and not left lying any longer than he had been already. A little bit of dignity in some grim and sad circumstances.
MLW feels guilty that we did not raise the alarm sooner. So do I, but I don't think in all good conscience we could have done more. He did not want the sort of relationship with us where we popped in for a cup of tea every day. He did not appear to want that sort of relationship with anyone. He chose not to engage more actively with his community. MLW balanced caring for him with his own desire to not be closely cared for as best she could.
I am sad that he has died. I am sad that he has died in sad circumstances. We are both a little shocked by the events. I will miss him.
Enter your cut contents here.
MLW became concerned about him yesterday when we both realised we hadn't seen him for a while. He was a man of solitary habit. It was not unusual to not see him for weeks at a time and we had realised that it had been a bit too long between sighting.
We had struck up an amicable relationship with him after he returned from abroad after being away for many years, and flooded our flat. He'd not paid his council tax bill because he'd been away. The council had frozen his bank accounts. The utility company had cut him off for non-payment. MLW helped him sort out the leaky plumbing, settle his outstanding bills, reactivate his bank accounts and collect the several hundred thousand pounds he was owed in pension by his pension fund who had not been able to pay him because his bank account was frozen. He was not a man who engaged much with the world.
MLW had the job in the flat owners' group of liaising with him - he did not have email or online banking - and took the opportunity to gently keep an eye on him. He was not hugely in favour of this but tolerated MLW's interest because, well it was easier than not to. Every few weeks she would pop upstairs on an errand and see if he was okay. She had offered on a few occasions to help him with some life-admin but he wasn't up for that.
We would chat if we saw him outside, or wave through the window if we saw him coming or going. That was harder in winter in Edinburgh. In the summer I would sit in the garden in the evening sunshine. In winter it is dark before I finish work. He would take himself off to the pub once or twice a week later in the evening. Generally he would get up mid-morning.
It looks like he died shortly after the last time MLW or I saw him.
When we realised we hadn't seen him for too long to be comfortable MLW called the police. They investigated and a few hours later they called at our flat to tell us our neighbour had been found dead, and to take a statement. They ended up asking us to identify the body. Our neighbour was an only child, his parents had died many years ago and his old friend and colleague who also has a flat in the tenement block has been living in the Borders. So we turn out to be the closest connection the police could identify.
Identifying a body which has been dead for several weeks is exactly as unpleasant as it sounds. However, it does allow the police to formally treat the situation as probably a sad occurrence and probably not a serious crime. An elderly man being found dead in his own flat is very different from an unknown man being found dead in someone else's flat and no one has seen the owner for weeks. The identification seemed to be the trigger for the police to engage the municipal undertakers. So whilst identifying our neighbour was not pleasant it did allow him to be taken to the mortuary as soon as possible and not left lying any longer than he had been already. A little bit of dignity in some grim and sad circumstances.
MLW feels guilty that we did not raise the alarm sooner. So do I, but I don't think in all good conscience we could have done more. He did not want the sort of relationship with us where we popped in for a cup of tea every day. He did not appear to want that sort of relationship with anyone. He chose not to engage more actively with his community. MLW balanced caring for him with his own desire to not be closely cared for as best she could.
I am sad that he has died. I am sad that he has died in sad circumstances. We are both a little shocked by the events. I will miss him.
no subject
Date: 2021-12-08 10:53 am (UTC)And finding his body sooner wouldn't have made anything any better, after all.
It is all rather sad though.
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Date: 2021-12-08 11:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-08 10:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-08 11:09 am (UTC)It is a bit difficult to not dwell on it.
I'm sure we'll all feel more settled about the situation in a few days or weeks.
no subject
Date: 2021-12-08 12:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-08 04:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-08 12:31 pm (UTC)Hugs to both of you.
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Date: 2021-12-08 04:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-08 04:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-08 05:00 pm (UTC)It is certainly making me think about how I would want to be found and what I need to do in the years before then to have that happen.