back of a spreadsheet; back of the net

I went to see a recording of I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue last night with the Captain, MLW and her German cousins (more on them anon perhaps, they are very nice and one of them is the family geneologist)

For those not familiar with the show it a long running Radio 4 comedy panel show. It is very very silly and quite rude. I really like I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue. It is perhaps one of my favourite things. I regret not quite getting to see the last recording in Edinburgh before Humphrey Lyttleton died very much. So delighted to be there. Jack Dee in the chair, Milton Jones and Fred MacAuley on one team, Pippa Evans and Rory Bremner on the other. Quite an Edinburgh - Scottish focused panel. Nice to play a neighbour concert. Pippa Evans is a hell of singer and I think a very good technical improvisor. Jack Dee knows the show very well. I enjoy Milton Jones' surrealism and I find Fred MacAuley just quite heart warming. So a good panel for me.

It's a recording of two radio shows. The whole thing took about 3 hours to produce two 30 minute shows. There's a bit of faffing around in that time. There's an interval. John Naismith does an introduction and a bit of a warm up, some bits of the intro and links are re-recorded for sound quality or delivery but it's clear that some material that is recorded is cut out. I think at least one whole game we saw performed will be cut from one of the shows. One of the pairs of panellists didn't seem to understand the rules and it was a bit of a farce The panel and chair seemed pretty clear that it hadn't worked and would be cut. Even in the games that go well I think whole responses will be cut out - some for quality and time and some for content. I also think bits of space will be cut out, little gaps and pauses and so on to make the final programme denser.

The recording is a) much more political / partisan than the final show, b) more obviously ruder, c) mannered and crafted

There were lots of jokes at the expense of the SNP and the broader independence movement. Not exactly political satire. For example, a bit in the intro about Edinburgh and the Scottish Parliament notes two real prizes it has won for architecture and one "prize" for the First Ministers' entrance in the Revolving Door Awards. Which is funny but not exactly political or exactly on point given that the SNP have been in government 3 years longer than the Tories and have one fewer premiers. I think most of that gets cut.

Part of the charm of I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is that lots of the innuendo is doubly covert, with the Chair pretending that it's not innuendo but the result of the audience's dirty mind. The live recording has more direct blue humour and swearing - which I think also gets cut.

There's a bit of content that is tried out, works okay for a live show (i.e. it got a laugh) but not good enough for the radio.

So there will be lots of bits of content that will get cut out.

I enjoyed the show very much. It's a different experience being at the live recording from listening to the radio but also a different experience being at a live recording than being a live show. Most obvious example - at the end of a live show you applaud and then leave still awash with the enjoyment of the show. At a live recording, there's 10 minutes at the end when a couple of bits are re-recorded. You can't join in with the singing even if it would be the right thing to do.

MLW enjoyed it. I think her German cousins had a pleasant night out. The Captain is baffled by the whole concept of the show. He doesn't really do surreal word play. I think this is greatly to his credit as a human being but does mark a big difference between him and me.

An interesting and very enjoyable experience.

Our small front garden is full of largish shrubs and so has quite dense foliage. My Lovely Wife has been putting up bird feeders for years. We have a double nesting box. It's been a little haven for small birds for a while.

In the last year or so we've noticed an increase in the number and the variety of birds in garden including this week a Greater Spotted Woodpecker which we've seen twice.

I'm not sure what is driving the increase in birdlife. Perhaps a recovery or change in population caused by different patterns of human life during the peak COVID years. Perhaps it just takes 10 years to fully establish a little wildlife sanctuary. Perhaps a few other people nearby have also made positive changes and we've accidentally created a wildlife corridor. Perhaps random chance.

Anyway it is nice and the woodpecker in particular is very fine.

One other thing that we did whilst on holiday was watch the latter stages and the final of Euro 2020. Well the Captain and I did. MLW mostly confined herself to watching Wimbledon.

I suppose the football all ended predictably and satisfactorily. The best team won and the England footballing community managed to balance a just reward for a decent, in both senses of the word, football team with making tits of themselves through a combination of entitlement, hubris, sentimentality, racism, beer and the curse of having a catchy theme tune.

The Captain dug in to supporting Denmark. He has a Danish friend. As Uruguay don't play in the Euros (which demonstrates that the footballing establishment is out to get us and no mistake) I swung my considerable sporting support behind the three teams that I drew in the office sweepstakes, Austria, Turkey and Finland and thereafter supported the team that it would be funniest if they won.

We watched the final together. It was quite tense. My mother is distraught. My father is hiding his disappointment behind stoic words of praise for the "young team". My friend J, who for the latter stages of the tournament had been messaging the uni friend's WhatApp group with ALL CAPS "IT'S COMING HOME!" has yet to respond to any messages. I am worried for him.

I was not surprised by the final. Italy seemed to be. I thought England would start quickly and score first. It took Italy longer than I expected to re-organise themselves England scored. They were clearly not expecting England to actually score. I'd expected Italy to win 3-1 but they seemed to prefer sidling up to a penalty shoot-out. England losing a final they both didn't expect to be in and were a nailed on certainty to be in, at Wembley, on penalties to not Germany. It doesn't get much funnier than that.

As soon as Rashford missed his penalty I thought he'd get racially abused. Not a particularly perspicacious prediction. He's a black man, he's going to be racially abused what ever happens. But so it proved. What was a bit less predictable was the UK government having no problem with racist fans until they realised that the England team has a problem with racist fans and so do most England fans. That isn't surprising, Marcus Rashford is more popular with voters than Boris Johnson and Marcus Rashford's food voucher policy is more popular with the government than Boris Johnson's food voucher policy. What is a bit surprising is that the government had the wit to realise that they were being too racist and change their story.

There is a special place in my heart for the football commentary of Guy Mowbray. He's right up there with the ITV rugby commentary team. Listening to English commentary on England playing football is like watching Danny De Vito arguing with Jonny Lee Miller, Billy Bob Thornton and Brad Pitt about which one of them has the best chance of dating Angelina Jolie. I am seriously considering petitioning for BBC Scotland to have it's own commentary team for tournaments in which England is playing. Possibly employing the orang-utan from the 2015 Rugby World Cup.

Anyway another 18 months of hurt until England simultaneously under perform and over perform at a major football tournament again.

Tomorrow is the Captain's last day of term and because I was working over the weekend I have (most) of a day off in lieu tomorrow. So I'm taking him kilt shopping.

He requires a kilt, a new kilt, for his cousin's wedding in August. I require a new kilt jacket for the wedding and potentially for some other social events. An unintended side effect of the weight lifting is that my older jackets no longer fit my shoulders. Hey ho.

An unintended side effect of the COVID pandemic is that it has shrunk my kilt so that's in to be adjusted.

Might fit in buying some Panini Euro 2020 stickers for the albums.

And arranging an appoinment for a bespoke chest of drawers / desk conversion.

I currently have 99 stickers in my Panini Euro 2020 sticker album. That's 14.6% of the way through.

I have no Austrian or Swedish players. Top team is eight Swiss stickers, followed by seven North Macedonian sticker.

I have three Scotland stickers but five Scotland players.

Currently 2 doubles after a few swaps with the Captain and the Rangaroon.

I've got Austria, Turkey and Finland in the office sweepstake. 0, 1 and 2 stickers respectively.

Here is a list of ten things that are currently improving my life in little ways, followed by a list of ten little things I could do that would improve my life in a little way. I'd be interested in hearing about yours.

1) Big boot socks. I got some cozy Nordic socks for Christmas and, prompted by that decided to buy half a dozen large, knitted boot socks for wearing inside. Mostly, obviously they can be worn when going outside but my main use-case for them is wearing them inside. They are large enough to go over a pair of normal socks so I can double layer. Which has been very nice over the last few weeks when it's been very very cold in Edinburgh and I've not been moving around as much. Nice warm feet.

2) Having a second smart TV in the bedroom. When the old smart TV broke I decided to get it fixed and replace the older, dumber TV in the bedroom. Which means we now have two rooms where someone can comfortably watch audio-video and we still have a room for mostly sitting or listening to audio. This may not sound like a small thing, but the repair cost was relatively modest. It's kept our living space flexible.

3) Fondue sets. We had a fondue set. I bought another and we had a double fondue, cheese and chocolate for dinner - which marked items number 2 in an attempt to break out of the food rut that we've gotten in to because we're ordering so much of our grocery shopping on line. It's too easy to just order the same things each week and then cook the same food each week.

4) Ginger Beer - I've been making ginger beer in a big carboy. Batch two is about to be decanted in to bottles. I've been industriously sourcing bottles with Groslsh type flip-lids. It's nice to have a little project to engage in especially as I wasn't much taken with making sourdough bread. I seem to have roped Dad in as a client.

5) Dice Drop Maps - I haven't played RPG's for *years* and I was hoping to get back in to it last year, but, didn't. However, I've been reading up on it and buying a few system rule books. I've become quite keen on the idea of using Dice Drop Maps. The idea being that rather than painstakingly come up with the geography, social relations and small-p political interactions of place you drop a handful of dice on a table and use a series of procedural generation techniques to create a map of the town, district, county, whatever. I'm finding a useful and, from an improv point of view, interesting toolkit.

6) Getting my mum on WhatsApp - which means that we can keep in touch in a low bandwidth way. It was especially useful during the run of operations she's had on her jaw, when talking was painful and awkward for her.

7) Self-adhesive aluminium strips for facemasks. I was struggling a bit (a lot) with my glasses getting steamed up whilst wearing a facemask. Especially if I moved from cold, dry conditions (outside in Edinburgh) to warm moister conditions, like the bus. So I tried some self-adhesive aluminium strips to act as a shaper around the nose. They stick on to the outside of the mask, you press them around your nose and they help form a tighter seal. 200 for fiver. It's nice being able to see.

8) Having worked out how to use the issue tracking software at work so I can transfer my to-do list to it.

9) The prospect of going for dinner with someone when "all this is over". I don't mean just anyone, but I'm beginning to get a few events, if not dates, in my diary. Which is lifting the spirits a little.

10) The relocation of my training sessions from the park outside my house to the Commonwealth Pool, which is a) a 15 minute walk away meaning I'm getting a bit more exercise and b) a more versatile space with more all weather functionality i.e. it has steps and a larger cover.

And now a list of ten small things that would improve my life in little ways.


1) Better speakers for the Captain's tablet so we can properly hear the coaching on the regular online rugby sessions when we are outside. He has two friends who come and join in with him doing it, with me moderating, and I think them being to hear the head coach easily will really help them do the activities and me to coach them.

2) Getting my glasses adjusted after my sledge crash. They are okay but I reckon I'm getting used to them being in the wrong alignment.

3) A thin but strong board about six inches by 24 inches which will allow me to turn one of the dressers in the bedroom in to an impromptu standing desk for when I'm on video calls.

4) Getting rid of some boxes. I am a terrible hoarder of boxes in case they turn out to be useful. I got rid of some at the weekend. I should get rid of some more and enjoy the extra space.

5) Taking my old work laptop back to the office which will free up a little space on my desk and help me make it more comfortable.

6) Sending half a dozen books I have no use for nor joy in to the charity shop which will allow me to file some of my RPG books in a better place.

7) Planting some more fresh herbs. We're currently running a hydroponics machine as an experiment and it would be nice for it to succeed and produce some strong herbs which we can plant up in the planters in the bay window and in the herb pots on the front door step. In particular the additional fragrant plants in the living room would help lift spirits as we move in to spring.

8) Working out if we are net long coffee beans or net short coffee beans. For some reason the equation preys inordinately on my mind.

9) Levelling the bench in the front garden as it's soon going to be usable again and perhaps getting a cushion for it - which will make sitting on it with my lopsided backside a little more comfortable.

10) Framing a few plywood Festival Fringe flyers I have from a few years ago. It will be nice to make a small change to the flat.

I don't often talk about clothes here. Other than the fact that as my fitness regime continues I keep finding that my clothes don't fit.

I'm certainly not one to talk about my underwear.

However, I've just discovered the best underwear ever.

I have quite muscular thighs. I'm also quite warm blooded and prone to sweating. So I often suffer from chaffing at the top of my thighs. To the point where I've had to have moles removed.

Decathalon have a range of hiking boxers which are made of some super wicking material, with lyrca like qualities that feels like silk. I bought half a dozen in store in a size large (a little snug, but fine for any period of active physical exertion). I've just bought online half a dozen extra large.

I'ver never enjoyed comfort like it.

And the nasty and painful rash on my thighs is no more.

Probably in celebration of International Women's Day but I've started receiving Facebook friend requests from improbably nubile young women - again.

I had a rash of these, I guess, about a year ago.

They appear in my friend request notifications, I ignore them, then they disappear - presumably once the accounts have been deleted for being not actually real people.

I'm not sure what purpose these friend requests serve. The people behind it are clearly looking for something but I can't work out what.

I have been to the USA. Specifically to Columbus, Ohio on a week long business trip.

It was fine. The necessary business was taken care of as much as it could be. Columubus is a nice town. It's about twice as big as Edinburgh, flat and a little dull but perfectly pleasant. I would not hurry to go there on holiday but if I had to spend a week or two somewhere for work on expeneses there are worse places (Runcorn I am looking at you, but not a starting a fight way).

There are easy flights from Edinburgh to Columbus. The direct service from Edinburgh to Newark and the many connections from Newark make travellilng to the USA from Edinburgh pretty straightforward. I could have done without the 4 hour layover in Newark airport. Long enough to be thoroughly bored not quite long enough to go to New York for a coffee. I read a lot of science fiction.

Security and immigration was very straightforward despite the heightened attention on these matters. It took no longer than usual to pass muster.

There is ample decent beer in Columbus. Truly we live in a golden age of beer. I found that the local bar sold Newcastle Brown (I did not order any, I don't like the stuff). I prefered the Hawaiian lager (I'm very well thank you and thank you for asking.) The pick of the bunch was World of Beer in the university district which has about 40 beers on tap. I had three and watched the sunset from beside the firepit in the beer garden.

My hotel was near the Ohio State University campus. The OSU "Buckeye's" stadium is huge. 110,000 capacity. Took me half an hour to walk round. Quite handsome looking, modelled on the Flavian Amphitheatre and the Parthenon.

I also found a Spurs supporters bar. I was in there with a colleague. He's buying the beer. I'm looking round. Spot a Spurs scarf. Then another, then a third. There's a wall of them. Several flags. Collect drink from the barman.

"Why do you have so many Tottenham scarves?"

*sigh*

"We're a Spurs bar?"

"Really!?! That's nice."

"Not really, I'm a Gooner."

aside to my colleague "When you're a Gooner working behind the bar in a Spurs pub it's time to reconsider your life choices."

Anyway, nice beer.

Home on Friday morning. Spent the day napping and hanging out with The Captain and one of the Cousin Uncles. There was judo.

Then beers and dinner with visitors who had come to see N and her companions. Illegal Jacks had haggis quesades and beer. That is all you need to know.

Saturday involved a trip to Murrayfield to watch a surprisingly good Scotland win handsomely in the end over a less than convincing Wales. 29-13 if I recall correctly. The usual high seats in North 4. Grand views but b'gad make sure you've been to the loo and the bar (in that order) before you take your seat.

(I watched the England Italy game on Sunday. I'm not laughing honestly. Not even a little bit.)

I am not now predicting a win against England but I wouldn't be surprised if it happened. In any event, it's nice to be three games in and still in the hunt for the Six Nations and the Triple Crown. Uncle Vern we shall miss you up in North 4.

Saturday night involved a trip to my local craft beer pub, Cloisters, where the Cousin Uncle secured a table. Yes, a table in Cloisters on a Six Nations match day. Yes, I was surprised too. He even got enough seats for everyone. Admittedly he juggled a pint of beer on top of the table and that didn't end well for the beer but sometimes you have to take the rough with the smooth. We then dined splendedly in a Greek restaurant next door. The backlava was particularly delicious.

The evening was rounded off with a dram of my new, duty free, Ron Zapaca solero rum. Lovely.

Sunday, lunch with dad and the aformentioned rugby in the afternoon.

In the morning the major business of the weekend, the Captain's first competative rugby match. He and I took the bus to Dalkeith to play a round robin mini tournament for Bororoughmuir against Dalkeith and Falkirk. He had a grand time and scored four tries including one rather fierce one diving over the line. He was playing at about 80% for the first few games and then got injured. Several kids fell over each other and one of them bashed his teeth of the Captain's leg. He was in tears but once the shock had worn off he was on fire. Four consecutive tags in one passage of play, left wing, right wing, left wing, right wing with no one else involved set the tone for the next half of the morning. He might turn out to be rather good at the game. A well received sausage roll and a lift to Grandad's for lunch rounded off the morning's sport.

I was delighted to spend the morning with him and very pleased to see him play so well.

All in all a good weeked after a decent trip away. I'm a little tired. I shall look forward to an early night tonight.

My Lovely Wife has been away in Holland on a singing holiday. The Captain and I were left to our own devices for the week. MLW left on Monday morning. We continued to have visitors. BB and one of the Captain's grown up cousins were staying. BB took the Captain to school on Monday and Tuesday and collected him on Tuesday. We headed round to my dad's for tea on Monday after he had picked up the Captain. Sunday saw BB and my nephew going to see a rather good comedy magician called Pete Firmin. He for some reason reminded me of George Formby. Or at least how I imagine George Formby would have been. Had he been a comedy magician. He was entertaining.

We also went to see Chris Turner, a cousin on the other side of the Captain's cousin. As Robin Williams might have put it O Cousin of My Cousin.

http://www.christurnercomedy.com/about/

Chris is a philosphical stand up and freestyle rapper. He makes me think and his show is multi layered and many textured. It also had a picture of the Captain's cousins in the bath.

On Wednesday I went out for dinner with my dad and his oldest friend. Couple of beers in Summerhall then grilled meaty delights in Hanedan's. Good to see my dad's mate.

Grown up cousin left on Tuesday. BB left on Wednesday.

I had many early nights and did about a dozen loads of washing and cleaned the bathroom. The Captain and I went for a ride on our new tag-a-long tandem. It works but it will take some getting used to.

University update - BB has a place at university. Not her first choice despite getting an A* in the subject she's planning to study. Hey ho. She'll enjoy where she's going.

I was very impressed by how quickly and forcefully she reacted to not getting her first choice. It took her less than two hours to sort out a place following what I know would have been a great disappointment to her. When it mattered she executed. I'm very proud of her for all the hard work she's put in and very pleased that it has worked out well in the end.

I watched Deadpool last night whilst MLW was out at choir. It was perfectly acceptable. The actiony bits were action-packed. The promised levels of sarcastic witty banter were wittily sarcastic. The darker tinged plot was tinged a touch darker than I might have expected from a superhero movie. It had a begining, a middle and an end and competently started in the middle, moved to the begining and worked up to the end. I quite enjoyed it.

I feel like I might have missed something. I'm not a comic book fan or a fan of superhero fiction so I'm probably not seeing amusing subversions of the genre or I'm underestimating the appeal of a character I'd not heard of till I saw him on the side of a bus. I fully accept that I may not be the target audience for the film. It provided a good level of diversion and entertainment after a long week Captain Wrangling