On a Friday Five to Do With Ireland

1. Have you ever made corned beef and cabbage?

No. I have made corned beef hash, with corned beef and potatoes. Very nice with Worcestershire sauce. I also make Resurrection, which is roast turkey, bacon and cabbage etc.

2. Will you be tipping back a decent pint of Guinness this weekend?

There is no such thing as a decent pint of Guinness. It is the worst stout. Far inferior to Murphy's or Gillespie's or any Scottish stout. Guinness is only famous because the British government lowered the duty on stout produced in Ireland in 1916 in order to buy off the independence movement during the war and, in doing so, threw the much tastier Scottish stout industry under a bus. Not the first, nor the last time, that Scotland's loyalty to the Union has been rewarded by seeing someone else get preferential treatment. But this time the result was Guinness. Perhaps the least good Nigerian beer ever marketed in Ireland.

Also, I hate St Patrick's day and everything it stands for.

3. Do you own an Irish wool sweater?

I no longer do so. I used to have an Irish wool sweater. It was a gift from a girlfriend that she had brought back from her home in Derry one Christmas holiday at uni. It was nice. She looked much better in it than I did. That was true of most of my clothes.

4. Have you ever ‘met’ the Tart with a cart (i.e. have you been to Dublin)?

I have. Only once. I was on a mission of love to see the above girlfriend.

I flew in from Prestwick. The place was deserted. Not a soul to be seen. Not a shop nor a pub open. In desperation I headed to the train station about four hours early for my train. Was forced to buy a pint of Guinness in the station bar. Where I discovered that it was the All-Irish Gaelic Football final and Dublin were playing. They lost.

From that point onwards neither the mission nor the girlfriend went well. Nearly got arrested by the security services.

5. Do you know what tractors, submarines and ejector seat all have in common?

They are all subject to significant investment in autonomy software.