danieldwilliam | On Being The Dominant Male

The Captain has decided that each morning he and I must wrestle to determine which of us is the dominant male.

the wrestling takes a rather arcane form. I have to sit on the sofa. He sits on my knees. Without using my hands, or my body other than my legs, I have to dump him so his bottom is on the floor. A new rule was added this morning, that if he cheats we have to reset and start again. But if I can get him on the floor without either of us cheating then I retain my place as the dominant male.

There appears to be no win condition for him.

I have not explained this to him yet.

Nor have I explained that the People's Socialist Vaguely Democratic Republic of Chez Meadow does not have a constitutionally recognised position of dominant male. The closest we get is Second Best Husband in Ordinary to Her Majesty The Queen of the People's Socialist Vaguely Democratic Republic of Chez Meadow. That title comes with pretty much no rights or privileges other than to be randomly battered by a half deranged eight year old.

I have also not explained to him that if we did have an offical position of dominant male we would not determine the office bearer by any form of wrestling.

Nor that were he to win the position he would be almost certainly be obliged to go to work to count robots.

I am thinking of launching a coup to replace myself as dominant male so that I can have a rest. Or at least eat breakfast in peace.