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danieldwilliam) wrote2013-01-16 04:03 pm
On My Pub Name Top Ten
I would never actually want to own a pub. At least I’d never want to the be the owner / manager of a pub. It strikes me as a job with long hours, which requires compulsory sociability and which isn’t particularly financially rewarding. Also, you don’t get to sit and enjoy the beer. I’m much more likely to set up a rum distillery in Grenada than a pub but in keeping with my general life philosophy, often discussed with MLW(1) and widgetfox (2) that all of life can be usefully considered in terms of a top ten list here are the top ten of names I would give my pub if I owned one.
- The Fighting Thomas Cochraine (in honour of my favourite Georgian naval captain, radical politician and the larger than fiction model for Lucky Jack Aubrey)
- The Monkey Puzzle
- The Preferential Vote
- The Righteously Bare Arms (this pub would feature a weekly burlesque evening)
- The Gravitas Out
- The Twenty-First Amendment (clearly an over 21 only venue)
- The Spanker (if the pub were near a yachting club)
- The Gastro-Pub at the End of the Street
- The Truth in Comedy
- The John Cartwright
(1) my list of top sandwiches (3) was included in MLW’s speech at our wedding.
(2) I actually have a top ten of widgetfoxes.
(3) pastrami, gherkin, tomato, with whole-grain mustard on a savoury bagel.
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1. The Admiral Cunningham (in honour of Admiral Andrew Cunningham 'ABC' the Royal Navy's finest fighting sailor since Nelson.
2. The Cat (in honour of, well, take a wild guess)
3. The Stone Rose (this'd be the pub with a 200 capacity music venue round the back and a jukebox full of punk, post punk and indie tunes, as selected by me)
4. The Gym (just so people can say 'I've been to the Gym for two hours' and feel virtuous
5. The Very Little Gravitas Indeed (with apologies to IMB)
6. The Red Flag (the local left need somewhere to meet and discuss revolution after all. Genuine socialists/revolutionaries/insurgents get half price beer. Just no guns or explosives in the bar please)
I had others, but I'm damned if I can remember them.
All establishments will of course have excellent Cask Marqued Ale, such that they're in the CAMRA guide. Any manager who fails to attain this standard of excellence will immediately be fired. Out of a large cannon.
There wil be lots of good reasonably priced food, a library room and the only sports shown are rugby and cricket. (GAA games available upon request) and all will several cats overseeing the place and making sure you all behave.
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It's more of a GRRrrrphwoaRRR!
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Imagine if they took against each other.
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Did you play darts at college?
(I am reminded of my uni flat mate whose equivalent of a top ten was to think of ways to introduce the concept of removing clothing during a game, so strip backgammon, strip tiddlywinks and the infamous strip dice.
We stopped him, for his own good, trying strip darts.
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Strip darts involves darts and the risk that the dart will rebound from the dartboard. This risk I think falls into to the likely to happen category. I personally consider a stout pair of jeans or a good pair of shoes to be of some protection against a rebounding dart.
I think accidents playing strip clay pigeon shooting are less likely but more likely for the outcome not to be significantly affected by ordinary clothing or the lack of it.
How hot does a shotgun barrel get after a few rounds of clay?
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I think there are insufficient pubs named after 20th or 21st century notables.
Watched a documentary about Malta during WWII a few days ago. Your man ABC not mentioned but can't imagine he'd have been delighted when the desperately required convoy got sunk in port three days after arriving.
Very much endorsing the Cask Marqued Ale requirement. I'd be tempted to go further and not have any cooking lager or cooking bitter on at all, just for the cognitive dissonance caused to people who ask for a well advertised brand and find I don't sell it. This, of course, depends, on the pubs being a hobby and not my actual source of income.
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The Sidney Camm (designer of the Hawker Hurricane, Tempest, Fury & Hunter to name but a few)
The Barnes Wallace (complete with a picture of a bouncing bomb for the pub sign...)
The Roy Chadwick (designed the Lancaster and Vulcan bombers)
The General Slim (After Bill Slim of Burma)
Also The Three Pigs in Corsham has a sign above the door that says 'This is a real ale pub. Lager drinkers will be tolerated as long as they keep quiet' a sentiment I've always rather admired. It's certainly possible to run a successful pub without selling the usual crap beer, you just have to make sure that you make it a selling point and that it's well publicised.
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Also the Helter Skelter in Frodsham.